Trust

Ah ha! So long no blogging!

I gonna post this to the one I love the most that post the same title.

I shall skip all the topic of all hardship comparing and such.

BUT

I gonna say about GOD

Who is god right?

Stephen Hawking said the universe started from a big bang and thus question is there a god to create our universal world. As everyone engineering student we learned from scratch that there is universal law in quantum and physical physics that can't change. Such as why star collapse to create a singularity and etc ( not dwelling into too scientific)

I am the all believer of science, I was educated from young as a believer of science.

However if someone ask me is there God?

I shall say MAYBE?

Cause God gave me courage to go through you though  I still love you, but yeah I pray to God everyday that time ( if you know who you are)

However,

I question, if science such prove there is no god. AND if GOD is so good why leave people suffering??

This is the question I can't answer, only God can. And one of my best friend said, God answered you before you asshole.Yeah that is a good question, indeed God answered me many times.

SORRY, but i still question! AHAHHA

I am an ASSHOLE to god. ( Thanks to ancient aliens)

But if you are feeling down, hopeless, talk to god. Pray for him

And he will give u the light. As god said, Let there be light!! (My blog name)

No matter how I object God's presence as non science, non shit and just some asshole who paraphrase bible and I told them I fucking read bible you asshole!

I read bible more than you!!!!

And I start question God and start talking to God. I start realize someone talk back to me in abit. Heh!

I never dismiss God's miracle.

But, have faith in god my dear. I love you, God love you.

The path is hard but God will shove a light. Is your path, you will eventually go that.

And if you ask me, do I believe in God.

I said 50/50

However, I find bless and comfort in God's arm when I can't sleep when you reject me. Is that God's Miracle?

Your say

Sometimes when we touch

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity 
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you 
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you 
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

I am sorry~~ T.T

Dear Shumun,

Although you might  never read this. But I just gonna say that I am sorry. Hah! I will say sorry to you leh~~~

Piggy~~(What I used to call you everyday) After more than 10 years, finally I realize why choose him but you didn't choose me. Maybe the path I choose is too hard for you. I understand that and there's nothing wrong with that.

Some time I remember our moment together. When I call you piggy and you were so shy till your face blushed.(Still do not admit by that time). Piggy... you are the only women I love for my live time though I might married someone but you just cannot be replaced.( Privilege of the first one..LOL)

Do you know I meet your bf everyday when I went to had my lunch when I was working at Fraiser business park? Hahaha, he certainly spot me!

Piggy~~ I am very happy you found your love, and it had been more than 10 years you guys were together. Faster get married, I wanna become the god father wei.

Piggy~ Do you remember when we say good bye? The moment when both you and me cry like mad and remind both of our bad habit?

I still remember I told you not to slept soo long, remember your goals, always find someone you love and stay with him. (Which you did! I am proud of you~）

And I remember you told me, not to be too ambitious, watch my spending, take care of my health and always go for my goal( Which I did as well....I achieve what I cannot imagine while I was more than 10 years ago)

Piggy~~ I am super happy for you. You got over me, but i never got over you. Maybe that's my curse.

My curse that I was so childish that time, never appreciate you and finally  now I realize how foolish I am. You given more than enough chance and I just neglect it. I was a jerk~~ a jerk that only look for accomplishment......How ironic while I got it then I realize what I lost, something so precious so precious.

It was a right choice to abandon me. It is a consolation we still keep in contact. Sometimes say hi and ask how are you etc.......that is more than enough.

Mun~~(Always what I called you when I manja you)..

Faster married, don't feel unsecured. I can see from you bf face he love you as much as I do.

Become a mummy~~

I love you always mun~

And I always miss you~~

Everyday, every night~~

Again, mun arr~~ I am sorry...对不起~~我不应该让你流泪~~我不应该~~当初我不懂原因，现在我懂，已经太迟了。对不起~~这个内疚应该会跟我一世人吧~~祝你幸福啊~


这也是我一直以来很想很想和你说的话~~埋在我心里没办法说。好好照顾自己，别忘记我们的承诺啊~~~~无论你是遇到什么，我还是会帮你，还是会在你身边。那时候你爆胎凌晨短讯我，我还记得。那时候我知道，你在完全找不到人的时候，会想起我。

Mun~~对不起~~对不起~~T.T

我永远想念你啊~~~

Gunz

Bersih 3.0 My Experience Part 2

Feel so much better now after a long long hibernate session. Well, both of my leg are now sore like nobody business. Nevermind, worth it.

Part 2 continues here...

After we got our salt water treatment from the kind mamak owner, we continue to ran randomly out of the zone. We can hear tear gas shots been fired from all around us and you bet if you were there you will just run. It was the sense of fear, frustrated, anger and more anger...

We ran with the rest of the people and decided to take cover in Maybank ATM center, we can see some of the people taking cover in there. Everyone were cursing and swearing at  the government and the police "standard abusive package".  Fuck this government, Fuck you police, Go to hell!, stupid government, useless government  are some of the curse we came across. (Including myself..hehe )

2 of our group member that was with me decided to head out of KL for safety while I called Chin Fui to make sure their location and status but no one answered.( Guess they were busy running as well..haha)

We walked to Pasar Seni Putra LRT station and waited there to see if it is safe. There were wave of people in yellow walking out of the city or to any nearby stations. Worried about the group status, I finally managed to call Chin Fui and found out that the the group were at Nandos, right beside plaza rakyat.

No one knew what's going on, and what will going to happen next.. I told the two that was me to stay at the LRT station while I ran to meet the group on the other side, they asked me to stay but I just ran off. Ha! ( A decision I regret , yeah I should had stay put)

As I ran towards Kota Raya, situation were totally different than I expected. People were running away and to my surprise,I heard the sound of the tear gas canister being fired. I was still confident to continue, thinking that people are starting to disperse and ain't no reason the police is going to gas Kota Raya, they should be firing somewhere close.That was what I thought!

It was almost like a movie when my thought was shattered when a tear gas canister landed 5 steps in front of me, puffing out "delicious" smoke! It all happened within 3-4seconds. Holy shit!  The only thing I can remember was people shouting Tear gas! Tear gas! and the sound of the shots fired.

Instinct kicked in, I ran backwards to a street with the rest of the people while I can hear tear gas canister being fired behind me, not knowing where that god damn thing is going to land.

I ran into a bar/restaurant that was opened for shelter, only realized after that it is The Reggae Bar. After making sure they didn't fire any tear gas canister towards our direction, I took off and ran back to the direction where I came from via another path. Yup, Pasar Seni LRT station again~  -_____-

When I went back, the two of them can't be found and I was quite sure they found their way out of KL already. Destined to be not alone, my friend Carol and her group called me from distance! What a surprise AGAIN~never expect to meet them here。

People that got up to the station came back down with the news , LRT tutup! Wtf? I joined Carol's group and took some rest. It was the time when we start to share our gas session story with  people that we don't even know, scold the police and share any latest news we heard.

Chin Fui finally called to check my whereabouts, apparently the group walked to Hang Tuah Station while Chin Fui stayed to get me tag along. Thank you CF~~~ sob sob

I told Chin Fui that it was like a war zone near Kota Raya and I was too tired to even run back there again. He asked me to wait for him, he took another road to find me. Finally we meet and we walked together to meet the rest of group at Hang Tuah station. My leg start to cramp like no body business, hungry and thirsty to the max.

Finally! We rejoined the group that was waiting for us and we walked to Kenanga whole sell center to have our meal.  While we were having our meal, the two that ran off to the LRT station with me came! They came back by car to meet us and offered us ride back to sri petaling lrt station.
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On 28th of April,  Malaysian stood up again to fight for the country freedom, liberty and say no to a tyrant government.  Everyone are hero.

If you are supporting at home,  there is no shame by doing this. I didn't participate in the last two round of Bersih too. (Now I regret...)

If you are being ignorant by saying that it doesn't change anything, resistant is futile and ignorance is bliss?

I believe is time for you to wake up.

For the future generation! Hidup Rakyat!

Bersih 3.0 My Experience

It is now 11:25pm, 3hours+ after I got back home from a peaceful rally at KL which turned into a tear gas and water canon treatment. Yup! It is Bersih 3.0!

Woke up at 9am and meet up Chin Fui and the big group at Sri Petaling LRT station. You can see people start pouring into the LRT station, giving each other a smile and a nod.

We reached Plaza Rakyat at 11am+ and we can hear groups of people start to chant , clap and cheer. The group gathered at Kota Raya to begin our banner display while waiting to march towards Dataran Merdeka.

Everyone were so cheerful, polite, excited! Took a lot of awesome photo and we meet Aunty Bersih! Haha!

A 70years old unker came to talk to us, he asked us about our point of view on lynas and bersih joining the rally together. I found out that this unker came solo from Ipoh and super genki for the day ahead.

We march towards dataran merderka about 12:30pm but was stopped by the police. Big kudos to the security team by PAS that helped to keep us safe.The group changed location to central market car park to meet up with the leaders, Speaker of Perak, YB Theresa,  YB Elizabeth Wong and many more. By that time you can hear the roar of the people like  thunder. Everywhere are flooded with yellow and green.

Our group reached Masjid Jamek LRT station  but unable to proceed, there were so many people! We manage to come across YB Anwar Ibrahim and Wife while they were trying to make their way to the front line. Btw, we are about 200-300m from the front line. Yup! Where they start moving off the barricade.

In a brief moment, we received news from the front line to duduk bantah. Everyone sat down peacefully, taking pictures, chanting, cheering and clapping.

About 2:45pm, people start telling us to bersurai. Well, before we can move, we can see tear gas smoke popping out from the front line. That's when we start ushering people backwards, the atmosphere start to become tense and you can see the anger and frustration from everyone face.

Sadly, we can't head back to Menara Maybank, we went to the street where HSBC is located and thought that the police wouldn't push forward to us. We waited for 15-20min

Soon after, we saw more and more people coming from the front line direction , shouted  us to leave, TEAR GAS!! We planed to follow the road where we were and fall back. What came into our surprise was that our only path to fall back had been tear gas. People are running to us from both direction! We are stuck in between.

That's the time you can feel the sting of the tear gas and the police just kept firing the shells nearer and nearer to us. We were left with no choice but to cramp into the mini car park and force our self through the small tiny alley. Yeah, the whole few thousands of us.

There is no doubt Malaysian are awesome! While everyone were choking, crying in a horrible fashion. We helped each other by giving out mask, salt, water. Keep calm and climb over the fence. I need to thank the beloved pastor and his fellow church member who was with us. Pastor gave me an extra mask which came in handy, better than nothing!

While we were sardin at the small alley waiting to climb over the fence, I was trying to bend down just to catch less tear gas. There was a girl asked me if I am ok, Haha! He thought I was going to faint, I said I am fine ( Sure doesn't look like one) and he start to grab my hand so tight as if she was afraid I am going to pass out. LOL, thanks lenglui!! You left a huge bruise mark on my arm, I am just bending down to avoid direct contact with the gas la!

Another true example of unity. While I was running away choking and eating up salt other people passed me, our group split. I ended up with only two our member, the rest can't be found. We ran towards another street , the mamak boss was sooooooo goood to provide us 3 big bucket of salt water, ushered us to wash our face and get it off. Trust me, it works and it was SOOOO good~~

Stay tune for part two, that's when I eat my second tear gas canister. This time right smack  5 steps infront of me!

Society and Money?

秒速5厘米

地铁的轰鸣声

十字路口走走停停人群

消散的轨迹

点燃的香烟

还有对面的站台距离的身影

心中偶然闪现出的复杂情绪

那些片段争先恐后的跑出来

它不再完整，而是成为散落在生活中的细节

天空的颜色，是走过的街道，是空气的味道，是你的只言片语，是我的简短信息

记忆中的距离凝结成无限，定格下的留存成为永恒

五厘米的无限，一秒钟的永恒

Colors

Shoot The Balloon

焼き肉! いざかや

Craving satisfied!

Ambassador

Daddy precious

Fire Works Again

Tin Gong Prayers!

Fire Works!

Faith

Webster defines faith as " a confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing, a belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence."

Faith is an intangible, abstract idea, a willingness to accept something that has not yet - and may never be - proven. Having faith that you can accomplish something will not achieve your objective, but it will give you the courage to do what you must to reach your goal.

There will be times in your life when you cannot prove that your faith in yourself is justified. You must accept the fact based upon your intuitive feelings that you are capable of greatness. No doubt you will be disappointed in yourself when you fail to live up to your expectations. But if you don't have faith in yourself, you will never begin to reach your potential........because you will be unwilling to try.

Happy Chinese New Year!!

    First time in my life I got a good 签! Oh Yeah~~Does that mean I gonna get a girlfriend this year and i dun have a nerve backpain?? LOL

Rabbit Year review, welcome to Dragon Year

Well, same as all the years, doing a review for myself for a new lunar year.

I remember for last year about the same time, I wish for a lot of things for the year. Some turn out to be real, some doesn't, some get worst , some just unexpected.

This year is particularly a priority shift year for me. Realized that I am not as capable as I can achieve, I do have limits on my body, mind and soul.

So much said of founding my own publishing company, yes I did it. A lot of people may expect that I will be super happy , but in fact this is the turning point of my priority shift. It got me thinking, I sacrifice so much on achieving the goal I forcefully set for myself, try to excel, try to win and win by all means necessary.

In fact, the sacrifices come crawling back to me. First I destroy my financial, which need a serious fixing. Second , my health is sounding an alarm, to be at the hospital for a serious nerve pain right before CNY is not fun at all. Third, something I shouldn't do between us which cause an irreversible effect FOREVER, thanks to my stupidity， it will never be the same again.

Found out that, I  never be kind to myself, to treat myself better. I put my goals beyond everything that matters, which lead to ultimate disaster, mentally and physically. LOST.

Some said dragon year is the revival year, I think it is for me. I came to realize, sometimes something is just not to force upon. My priority is to start treat myself and other people better. Be strong inside, not outside. Success and wealth is not a necessity but a compliment.

Learn to "let go" in Dragon Year.  Happy CNY to you.

真正随缘了才能顺利，真的放下了才能得到。